"If I let you win, you will never know what it feels like to win"

It's still not clear to me that anyone actually ever said this to me before I said it out loud the first time, but I can confirm these words were VERY clear to me as I was growing up.

It didn't matter what game we were playing, it was always very clear to me that my father would never let me win. On the surface, some of you may say "That's cruel!" and "What about the child's self esteem?"... Blah Blah...

Our world has been participation trophied to death! Our kids are growing up thinking they are the BEST at everything. They aren't and when their adult life comes, the reality slap in the face is going hurt.

Just because you don't let someone win doesn't mean they can't win. This is the myth that must be busted. You have options!

#1 Get better!! Practice!! No one tries something for the first time and is truly a natural expert. If you get beat you can almost always practice and learn to get better.

#2 Change the rules. My favorite example of this is table tennis with my dad. When we first started playing he would play left handed and spot me 15 points on a game to 21. He would still win, but the gap wasn't too horrible and I got better. When I beat him with those rules, we adjusted... spot me 10 points... then 5... then switch to right handed and go back to spotting 15 points. Now, those of you that relish the participation trophy are probably thinking "This is painful, he keeps moving the finish line". Right!! BUT, the finish line only moved when I crossed it. Beating my father at any level felt AMAZING because I knew I had beat him.

When we finally got to that first straight up game where I won, it was many years after the start and along the way I had had some really memorial wins, and when I got to that final stage... WOW. If my father had been letting me win all along how would I ever really know when it was truly straight up, how would I ever be able to feel that confident knowledge that I had WON. Hence the quote which now means so much to me in so many parts of my life.

Sure, there are people that will get irritated and even mad when you beat them. If that feeling lingers for those folks they have likely gotten far too many participation trophies and fake blue ribbons in their lives. It's not there fault, but let's do what we can to give everyone the chance to really know how a WIN feels. Tic-Tac-Toe, Chess, Tennis, etc. Compete for the love of competition, win for the pride, but lose with the knowledge that you are learning and can get better.